Love Love Heart Pounding Manor
by Panties Inspector
Summary: Sena is the young master of the illustrious Kobayakawa Manor, where everything but the expected happens. Between getting into trouble, having a crazy home life, and trying to avoid various betrothals, exactly how is Sena to survive? YAOI AND SUCH
1. Prologue

This is a very short introduction to what will possibly ruin this show/manga for you. Please keep in mind that this is a parody. While we will attempt to keep them in character to provide proper lulz they must be bended.

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a handsome aristocrat and his gentle wife. They already had one son whose name was Shien.

Shien was a very smart boy and kind to very one he met. He was good at sports, especially those that involved aim, and always did well in his studies. Shien, like his parents, was a handsome boy. He had his father's brown hair and sharp jaw and his mother's brown eyes and thin, long build. His best friend in the whole world was Testuma Jo, another young boy who was training to be a butler. The two of them were inseparable.

The man and his wife loved their son. But he was so independent that he rarely really needed them. So they sought out to have another child. They prayed to the gods to give them a child that would need them more then their first did. The gods answered their prayers and soon Mrs. Kobayakawa was with child. Needless to say they were thrilled, so too were many of their friends especially Mrs. Kongo for she had two sons just one year old and had desperately wanted someone to play with them (Shien was too busy with Testuma). The two friends plotted and planned the lives of their children in a way only eccentric mothers can do. One day as they had tea an idea struck them. Why not have the children wed! Then they could be related! The two mothers were incredibly excited. They eagerly chatted slowly and surely sealing poor Sena's doom before he was even born…


	2. Chapter 1

This chapter was written by the lovely F.A. Starhawk. Go worship the ground she walks on, I love her so~3

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Sena's eyes snapped open and for several languid moments he wondered what had caused him to come to such sudden awareness, very unlike his normal, slow method of waking up.

Then he became aware of a strangely tangible dark aura seeping into his room, apparently his survival instincts were kicking in so that he'd wake up before the owner of that aura could burst into his room.

A wake-up call from Head Maid Hiruma was extremely unpleasant and usually involved the recipient of the treatment fearing for their life.

Really, Sena's life had never been completely normal in any way, but when his parents decided to go away on a trip around Europe for their second honeymoon, that's when his life really started to get more hectic. His parents had wanted to hire the best head maid they could find who would be sure to keep Sena and Chuubou on track with their studies, protected them, keep them out of trouble, and was, of course, capable of controlling all of the other servants.

Hiruma was someone who could easily do all of those things, and he'd practically been hired on the spot.

Why his parents would hire a man, who was obviously a man, in a maid's outfit to basically keep watch on their two youngest children twenty four/seven was a mystery to Sena. Of course, it was also a mystery how his mother would arrange his marriage to her friend's male children before she had even known that he wasn't going to be born a girl.

But then again, his father had also been fine with hiring Hiruma too, which was intensely strange as his father tended to be the more down to Earth, levelheaded parent.

Maybe Hiruma scared them into hiring him. That made sense, although they hadn't really seemed frightened when they met Hiruma.

"Rise and shine, young master!" Hiruma yelled in a psychotically happy way as he burst through the doors to Sena's room, some sort of firearm almost completely hidden behind his back and the folds of his dress.

"I'm up, no need for a wake up call today." Sena laughed nervously as he quickly got out of bed, just in case Hiruma thought he was dawdling and decided to give him some incentive to speed up.

"Very well, I'll go make sure your breakfast is being prepared according to the set standards your parents informed me of." Hiruma held his firearm in front of him and smirked darkly.

"No! That's quite alright! I'm sure Monta is used to making breakfast properly by now!" Sena said as he rushed past, hoping to remove himself from Hiruma's line of sight before the blonde could offer to 'escort' him to breakfast.

In his rush he ended up tripping over a lone slipper near the doorway, he stumbled precariously for a moment before a pair of large, familiar hands steadied him.

"Ah, thank you so much Yamato, what would I do without you?" Sena asked sweetly while Hiruma sneered at the taller brunette.

"Well Sena, I am your body guard, it's my job to _guard your body_."

Sena's smile became even brighter. "You're so dedicated to your job Yamato."

"But of course." Yamato replied, leaning in a bit closer and opening his mouth to say something else before he was interrupted by Hiruma shoving him aside.

"I shall escort you to breakfast, young master." Hiruma stated before turning about face to march down the hallway, Sena timidly following after him after quietly saying good-bye to his bodyguard.

As he passed by the bay windows at the front of the manor he noticed several large moving van parked outside.

"The new neighbours are finally moving in? Can we go over and meet them today?" Sena asked excitedly as he peered out of the window, hoping to catch a glance of his new next-door neighbours.

"That's a bad idea." Hiruma calmly replied in an all-knowing fashion and Sena fought the urge to pout at him.

"Why is it a bad idea? Isn't it my duty to welcome the newcomers to the neighbourhood? That's what being a good neighbour is all about."

"I _said_ it's a _bad idea_, so don't do anything stupid like going over to greet them." Hiruma said through gritted teeth and Sena nervously nodded his head in agreement.

"Now let's go get you some breakfast before that fucking monkey of an assistant cook does something stupid." He gripped Sena's hand and pulled him away from the window, relentlessly dragging him towards the dining room and depositing him at the table.

"I'll go make sure everyone else is up doing their jobs, just because it's Sunday doesn't mean they have an excuse to slack off." Hiruma said aloud, a hand disappearing into the folds of his dress only to emerge gripping a Winchester handgun.

"Enjoy your breakfast, young master." He said before disappearing into the hall with a dark grin.

Hiruma obviously liked his job _way too much_.

Sena slumped in his seat, preparing himself to ignore the screams of terror that would certainly be staring up any minute now.

Really, what had his parents been thinking when the hired Hiruma?

"Hey Sena, what are ya looking so glum for?" Monta asked as he emerged from the kitchen with a plate of scrambled eggs and toast.

"Oh nothing, I'm just feeling a bit tired, that's all." Sena assured him, wincing a little when he heard a faint shriek and quickly starting up a conversation to distract himself from the possible acts of violence occurring several rooms away.

"Has Chuubou come around yet? I haven't seen him so far this morning."

"Yeah, he here about thirty minutes ago. What kind of pre-teen wakes up early on a Sunday?" Monta set the plate in front of Sena and furrowed his eyebrows. "But you should know your little brother usually gets up before you, so why did you ask?"

"The new neighbours are finally moving in, and I thought we could be like a little welcoming committee, you know, to get them used to the neighbourhood. But Hiruma said it was a bad idea for some reason, so I thought maybe we could sneak over while he's busy making sure everyone else is... Well, busy."

"But if he catches you doing something he told you not to, you'll be dead meat." Monta stated truthfully and Sena nibbled on a piece of toast thoughtfully.

"Well, I could always bring Yamato to protect me from him. He is my body guard after all."

"I don't think he'll be enough. What about bringing Shin along too?"

Sena nearly dropped his toast. "Shin? Why?"

"Well, for a butler he's pretty kick-ass don't you think? If anyone could face Hiruma on equal terms and not die, it would totally be Shin."

"I don't know... Remember that time when Chuubou almost fell backwards down the stairs?"

"How could I forget?"

"Well me and Shin both ran to grab onto him but I made it there first, and ever since then..."

Monta leaned in curiously. "What?"

"Never mind. It's probably all in my head anyways." Sena chuckled nervously before finishing off his toast and starting on his eggs.

"Right, well if you're not going to bring Shin then you may as well bring Gaou."

Sena paused, chewed very slowly and swallowed. "Well, I suppose my parents did appoint him as my part-time chaperone, but I want to welcome the newcomers, not scare them away. Gaou is a little... Intimidating." Sena's expression brightened. "Maybe I'll bring along Clifford! He is my precious guard dog after all!"

"Yeah, you could do that..." Monta uneasily replied. "But just remember, even if you don't have any of your lessons today, your betrothed is going to be coming around sometime in the afternoon, he didn't specifically mention when. So if you're going to sneak out you'd better do it fast or you may not be here when he shows up and Hiruma will make you take extra lessons for being impolite."

Sena sunk further into his seat. "Agon is coming over? But I saw him last week! Why did mother have to arrange my marriage to such a scary guy?" Sena sighed in defeat before casting a curious look in Monta's direction.

"Wait, how did you know he's coming over?"

Monta straightened his posture proudly. "Well, I may just be an assistant cook, but someday I'm going to be an amazing butler just like Tetsuma! And to do that I need to start keeping track of your appointments and such."

Somebody inside the kitchen called Monta's name and he flinched.

"Whoops, they must think I'm slacking max! I'll talk to you later Sena!"

Sena finished off his breakfast and pursed his lips in thought.

Maybe if he wanted to be sneaky about visiting his new neighbours it would be better for him to go alone. Hiruma would be more likely to realize that several people were missing as opposed to just him.

"Alright, it's settled, I'll go visit them by myself." Sena nodded his head with a smile and made his way from the dining room to his room to make himself presentable before sneaking out through the back. If he went into the backyard and exited through the gate in the fence at the side of the house then there was less chance of him being spotted.

After changing into a fresh set of clothes and rubbing a brush through his unruly hair he tip-toe through the house and opened up the back door, being extremely cautious as he closed it silently.

He turned around, feeling rather proud of himself for a fleeting moment before he caught sight of a pair of dark brown eyes, watching him.

Sena fought the urge to jump in surprise and greeted the man politely. "Good morning Musashi, how are you today?"

Musashi removed the mug of coffee from his lips to reply: "Pretty good." before bringing it back to his mouth.

"Ah, I see... Well, you're probably busy planning stuff out for the garden, so I'll just be on my way then!"

He quickly scurried off before Musashi could ask where he was headed and with a grin approached the moving vans that had been parked in the street.

"New next-door neighbourghs, here I come!"


	3. Chapter 2

Jyuumonji had been on the verge of bursting a blood vessel for the better part of the afternoon. He'd barely been managing to keep his temper under control since breakfast, when he'd unceremoniously shoved a piece of toast into his mouth and promptly choked as the oyabun announced that they were moving. It wasn't as though Jyuumonji had had any personal qualms about moving—rather, he was just flabbergasted at the proposal. The man was suggesting that an entire throng of yakuza should simply get up and move into one of the most famous high-security districts in Japan!

This wasn't going to go down well.

Once Jyuumonji had finished coughing, he had gulped down the rest of his orange juice and shouted quite hoarsely, "HAAAAAAHHH!?" His brethren, unable to pass up the opportunity, had responded similarly, and the three of them had fixed the boss with disbelieving stares as he chuckled heartily. "What the hell are we doing that for?"

"Oh, I have my reasons…" The man had replied in the notoriously-shady fashion of a true yakuza head, dismissing the inquiry and gesturing for the food to be cleared away. The trio had been unable to wring a proper answer from him since, but apparently they were the only ones interested in getting a reply, since the members of the other two divisions had just gone along with the oyabun's far-fetched plan and had helped gather furniture.

"I can't believe this," Jyuumonji grumbled under his breath as he heaved a poorly-sealed cardboard box over his shoulder. "We should be extorting shit, not hauling it." He and his two fellow kyodai (and the whole damn yakuza too, if those were indeed motorcycles strewn across their new front lawn) had been roped into toiling under the boiling sun, which certainly wasn't an enjoyable way to spend the morning. He groused some more, mood worsening as he set down the box inside the house and rolled his shoulders to get the sudden kink out of his back.

Spotting something unusual from the corner of his eye, Jyuumonji craned his neck to get a clearer look. It was a boy—a scrawny, brown-haired one—who was trying to drag a small side table along behind him but was failing miserably. Jyuumonji turned to Toganou, his brother of sorts, who had his nose buried in some serial manga as he lounged on the only piece of furniture he'd bothered to move. "Hey, Toganou. Is that punk trying to take something?"

Toganou didn't so much as spare the scene a glance, saying instead, "What kind of idiot tries to steal from yakuza?" Despite being draped over the back of the sofa and sighing rather laboriously, Kuroki managed to snort at the sentiment before going back to reading over Toganou's shoulder. Jyuumonji had to admit that the two had a point—even if the kid didn't know that they were yakuza, the abundance of foul-tempered, battle-scarred men should have tipped him off that filching was a bad idea.

"Go see what he's up to if you're that curious." Kuroki muttered disinterestedly, and Jyuumonji groaned accordingly and ran a hand through his sweat-dampened blond hair.

"Yeah, yeah. Stop nagging, will ya?" Absentmindedly swiping the back of his hand across his cheek to feel the slightly-raised edges of an old slash wound—it was his one nervous habit—before pushing up his sleeves, Jyuumonji rolled his eyes. At the very least he hoped that grilling the punk would give him an excuse to slack off. And anyway, he'd been itching for a good fight lately…

--

After having spent a few hours helping his (admittedly frightening) new neighbors move in, Sena was about ready to collapse. His legs were all wobbly from scurrying to and fro as fast as possible, his arms had decided to rebel and lay limp at his sides, and the only thing feeling worse than his throbbing back was his jaw—which had been clenched out of the reasonable but overwhelming fear of being crushed by the enormous boxes he'd had to carry.

Making his way back towards the yard after moving a particularly stubborn end table, Sena flopped onto the grass and reasoned that a break was in order. A nice, long break… preferably in the shade with some fantastic lemonade and a couple of painkillers, but Sena would take what he could get.

The angry-looking delinquent trudging his way derailed his plans for a moment. He tried to repress a shudder and desperately hoped that this was just another guy coming to pick up an armoire; the irritated expression on his face could probably convince the armoire to move itself into the house, in Sena's opinion.

Unfortunately, the boy stopped in front of him, continuing to glower down and moving to flex his fingers rather impatiently. Sena tried his best not to appear intimidated and politely stood up and greeted him with a bow. "G-Good day…" he trailed off at the look of utter revulsion the other had given him.

"Quit bowing, you." Even his voice was rough! "Who do you think you are, anyway?"

Quietly hoping that bowing wasn't an offensive act in whatever part of the world the stranger came from, Sena stuttered out an apology and frantically tried to recall what his new neighbor had told him before he'd started hefting boxes around. He'd been a strange fellow, riding up on a motorcycle and skidding to a halt in front of the house just as Sena had been about to knock. He'd dismounted, smoothing his greenish hair back and rooting Sena to the spot with a glare.

Barely noticing the hoard of other motorcyclists pulling up to the curb, Sena had managed to introduce himself and get through the typical formalities before the man had laughed and slapped him on the back. "The name's Habashira Rui, and these suckers are my brothers." When he'd gestured towards the swarm of tough guys behind him, Sena had remarked faintly that he had a lot of brothers. Habashira had laughed like he'd just told the funniest joke ever and smacked him on the back again.

"Welcome to the neighborhood indeed!" he'd said, before leaning in and grinning rather psychotically, an unnaturally long tongue darting out so briefly that Sena doubted seeing it. "Wanna help out?" Never having been one to say no to lending a hand, Sena had consented, and moments later had found himself nesting a box identical to the ones carried by the thug-like men surrounding him.

Then Habashira had added, "Before I forget, if anyone asks you what you're doing… say you're working for Zokugaku of HahGakuGuts. That should cover you."

"HahGakuGuts?" Sena had asked before he could stop himself.

Habashira had nodded dismissively. "Yeah. There are three divisions in our family: the Hah Hah Brothers, Zokugaku, and Yuuhi Guts. People got tired of saying all that so now it's just HahGakuGuts. We're from the Zokugaku branch, you see," he'd said, pointing to a pin on his shirt that looked like a cross between a skull and some sort of lizard's head.

Catching Sena's fascinated stare and apparently mistaking it for something else entirely, Habashira had muttered conspiratorially: "We may have the most men, but don't go picking fights with the other divisions just because they're smaller. If the members of Yuuhi Guts think you're worth it, you'll never get rid of them! It's like they only joined the family to get fired up about doing battle, I swear… And anyhow, you just don't want to mess with the Hah Hah Brothers. There's only three of them, but I think even one might a bit much for a shrimp like you."

Sena had wanted to tell him right then and there that he had no intention of picking any fights, but Habashira had wandered off before he had gotten the chance.

Snapping back into the present the instant the stranger's hand lunged towards him, Sena sidestepped deftly and squeaked out, "I'm with—I'm w-working for Zokugaku!" As an afterthought, he managed to force out, "Of HahGakuGuts!" This made the other boy pause and fix him with an incredulous stare.

"Hah?"

"I, um, well, it's like this…" Sena began, before trailing off at the deadpan look on the delinquent's face. He hurried on. "My name is Kobayakawa Sena. I'm your n-neighbor, so I came over to help out with, ah, you know…"

Feeling the back of his neck tingle as a heated flush spread across it, Sena sheepishly reached up and covered it self-consciously. He'd thoroughly embarrassed himself already. Hoping to salvage the situation and somehow dispel the awkward atmosphere, he abruptly concluded his fumbled introduction. "Welcome to the neighborhood!"


	4. I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE

OKAY SO, I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES AND THAT I'M DOING PUTTING THIS IN THE ACTUAL STORY AND GETTING YOUR HOPES UP. I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU GUYS SEE THIS. I am trying to get you guys something but there are problems.

They are:

This was a collaborative effort and all the writers except for me fell off the face of the earth. Leaving me to try and figure this shit out.

Life and all it's little "joys" kept/keep me from writing.

I became a junior and had a mental breakdown that lead to my ADD diagnosis

I DON'T REMEMBER THE SERIES. I haven't read it since it ended and I'm getting fuzzy on its details. I COULD NAME PRETTING MUCH EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER, now; I can't even remember the sphinx's quarterba—NEVERMIND ITS HARAO. I'M STILL FUZZY DAMN IT.

I haven't read any shoujos or ANYTHING. I'm outta the saddle man! SUCH FAIL.

I'm a senior and college crap is killing my will to live.

HOWEVER, FEAR NOT! FOR I, YOUR KIND AND BENEVOLANT MISTRESS HAS NOT FORSAKEN YOU~! I INTEND TO REVIVE THIS FAIR, SLEEPING CHILD AND BRING THE COLOR OF LIFE TO ITS CHEEKS~!

Here's the plan:

Reread everything we have to reacquaint myself with the story

COME DOWN LIKE THE FIST OF GOD ON THE DESERTERS (more like email them politely/guilt-tripping-ly)

REREAD THE ENTIRE SERIES. YES I AM GOING TO READ ALL 300+ CHAPTERS FOR YOU (and me…)

Beg YOU the READERS to aid me in anyway you want. This started as a collaborative effort and I'd love for it to stay that way. I want YOU GUYS TO HELP ME SHAPE THIS FRAGILE, INNOCENT BABE INTO A GORIOUS BLOSSOMING MASTERPIECE. You can write, draw, research, brainstorm, and spam me with soul crushing emails WHATEVER YOU WANT.

I MEAN IT GUYS. I LOVE THIS AS MUCH AS YOU. PLEASE HELP ME SAVE IT. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ANYWAY PLEASE CHECK OUT THE ORIGINAL COMMUNITY (community. livejournal .com/es21ccstsrrhplm (no spaces obviously)) EMAIL ME, BRIBE YOUR FRIE- will okay maybe not that but STILL PLEASE. I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. HELP ME HELP YOU TO HELP ME HELP YOU~!

Love and guilt heavy soul wrenching sobs for forgiveness,

PantiesInspector

Co-creator and completely useless asshole "leader" of Kawaii Desu Ne Eyeshield 21 Crack Collab Sexytiems Shoujo Rabu Rabu Heart Pounding Love Manor~!

P.S. I'm so sorry and the capslock abuse. I have an addiction and need to panic and yell.


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